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Daddy’s Girl

UTC funeral20130801_150117

I wrote this post 13 years ago. Today, Dad is 99, and he is at the VA Hospice, where they are keeping him comfortable until he expires. The downfall of our relationship is that I am extremely attached to this man and I am finding it difficult to let him go.

Daddy’s Girl

utc youngBesides being one of the most handsome men on the planet, my Dad is also one of the kindest human beings I’ve ever met. I realized he was handsome when I was five years old. I told my Mother, “If you weren’t married to Daddy, I would marry him.” Of course, all girls who love there father and receive his love think that their Daddy is the best looking man in the world, so my statement isn’t really that stupendous. As I grew older and realized that some other girls were afraid of their fathers for one unwholesome reason or another, I knew that I did have one of the best fathers in the world.

He was strict. Make no mistake about that. He was never brutal to my Mother or to me. If he chastised me, he turned around and gave me a quarter to go buy candy at the corner store, which may have been bad parenting, but it sure left a sugar hole in my heart for him.

I suppose the one occasion when I knew my Dad loved me, unconditionally, was when my Mom told him that I was six months pregnant when I was only 16. I thought he was really going to crown me. But we sat on the couch in the living room and he grabbed my hand, at a moment when I thought my life was surely about to end, and he said, “We’ll work it out together.” From that day to this, 41 years later, I am convinced that some angels got together and delivered me to this angelic man. All my metaphysical reading convinced me that my Dad exemplifies the Ascended Masters. He keeps a good sense of humor and never lets life’s pitfalls get him down.

1dadmommilitaryNow, I knew that Mom and Dad weren’t getting along, from a very young age, probably around 10 or 11. They split up when I was 13, a very fragile age for a girl. But Dad always let us know where he was and that we could contact him at any given moment. And, at 57, I still can pick up the phone and call him just to talk, to make a loan that I always repay or to get parenting advice to use on my two adult children and their offspring.

The one thing that I hold my Dad responsible for is introducing me to music. Our house was always filled with the sounds of jazz, blues, and classics when Dad was home. Mom was more of a finger-popper, but the pop music didn’t play when Dad was there. It was Ellington, Basie, Ella or Brahms, Schubert, and Tchaikovsky. Now, Dad worked as a postal railway clerk on the trip from Manhattan to Boston. So, he would be out three days straight and home for three days. When he was out, we were jitterbugging. But when he came home, it was strictly the serious music playing on our huge ebony wood Grundig stereo.

Our house was super clean. Both of my parents were sticklers for cleanliness, which was, of course, next to godliness. Neither was very religious, yet they maintained a high moral constitution. We were taught not to steal, lie or cheat at a very young age. Education was at the top of their list for us kids. My brother and I attended St. Clement Pope Catholic grammar school in Queens, New York. Both parents saw to it that we did our homework and got good grades. The result for me was a scholarship to the diocesan high school, Bishop McDonnell, in Brooklyn. I even went to a Catholic college, LaSalle, in Philadelphia, where I got my Bachelor of Arts degree in Music and Communication.

Today, my father is 86 years young. He walks every day and is married to a woman younger than my daughter! He has great vitality, eats right, minds his own business and takes the news with a grain of salt. Dad always keeps up with what we are doing, though he is not meddlesome. I believe this is one of the most important lessons I have learned from him. Live and let live!

There were a few reasons why I realized that my Dad was better than a lot of other Dads. First, he was always there for us. He worked hard. A military man, he was very disciplined and that spilled over into my life. He taught us how to cook, clean, read, comprehend and regurgitate what we had learned. Mom taught us how to really clean, but seeing Dad wash dishes and clothes, clean the floors and paint our house every other year, really reinforced what Mom taught us. I believe the downfall of every person on Earth is that they didn’t have both parents to reinforce good values.

I credit my parents with working hard to give us the things that we needed to be comfortable enough to study our lessons. As I grew older, and especially since I divorced my own children’s father when they were very young, I realized that the values instilled in me by Mom and Dad would get me through this life, no matter how hard the challenges I would face.

The second and most impacting reason why I love my Dad stems from something that was happening to a little girl on my block. We didn’t find out until she was in her twenties, but her father was molesting her, since the age of 10. When I learned about this, I was numb. She died in her early forties from an overdose of heroin, after giving birth to a heroin baby. It was tragic. We were like sisters and I never really understood why she was always so sassy and sarcastic to everyone around her, until I learned about her molestation. Her mother died when she was only 16. Then, her brother died in his thirties from alcohol abuse, but I really think he died from heartbreak that his father was doing this to his sister. So, from the moment I found out about this activity, I began to reflect on the way my Dad treated me. I knew I was blessed.

I was so close to my father as a little girl that, when he would come home from his postal run to Boston at 1 a.m., I would still be awake, waiting for him. A few times, I spent the night with my neighbor, who shared the driveway with us. I’d hear my Dad walking up the driveway and I would jump out of the bed and run home, just to hug Dad. He would always welcome me with open arms. He was strict, but he knew how to love me and that’s all that mattered to me then and now. Only of late did my friend tell me she would cry when I would leave. But she had a great Dad, too, so I think she understood.

I believe that my relationship with my father is the most important relationship I have ever had. I’ve been looking for him in other men. I came close with my last husband (I’ve had four), who is from Gambia, West Africa. He is Sunni Muslim and is very austere, no drinks, no cigarettes, no vulgarity, and he is very, very clean. It took me one year to realize that he was cleaning my floors every Saturday morning, while I was on the computer learning HTML! We are divorced and he is remarried with a beautiful little girl who is my goddaughter! Wow, that’s an accomplishment in itself, to remain friends with an ex-husband. But he is so much like my father and it is impossible to be angry with him about anything.

Just before my mother passed, she told me that my father is a good man. She said, “If I knew then, what I know now, I would have stayed with your father.” Now, they were like a bull and a matador. My Dad is Taurus and Mom was Virgo. So, they argued a lot! But, as they grew older, they calmed down a lot. I think, if they’d stayed together, they would have eventually gotten over their differences. Mom was diabetic and an amputee. About two months before her passing, I visited her at the nursing home, where she was cared for. I saw Dad hand her a piece of paper. When he left, I asked her what it was. She told me it was her alimony check. Wow! I was amazed because they’d been divorced for 18 years and he was still paying her alimony! I’ve had four husbands and haven’t gotten one alimony check yet!!!!!!

At that moment, I had even more respect for my Dad. He is a man of honor. It was difficult for my parents because my Mom came from a matriarchy, just her mother and her sister. Her Dad passed away when she was only three years old. On the other hand, Dad was from a patriarchy. His father raised him and his two brothers. Their mother was sickly. She lived on an out island in the Bahamas, while Poppa brought his sons to Florida, where he had a lawn service and raised them with a very stern hand. They said that Poppa was mean, but I believe he was just concerned that they grew up to be honest, upright men. They each had families. My older uncle and his wife adopted a daughter, but she died very unhappy, shortly before her father passed away, after leaving his wife for another woman. The middle brother has two children with a German woman who had a daughter when they met. Their children are accomplished, but he lives like a hermit, far away from them.

My Dad married a woman from Honduras who is 43 years his junior. She loves him very much, unless she’s a very good actress. I asked her how they met. She said she put an ad in a magazine or newspaper asking men to write her a letter. She said the letter my Dad wrote was the best one she received. He was in his seventies, then. He told me that the doctor told him he needed to have a woman to relieve his prostate. Sounded like a good reason to me (smile)! She takes good care of him. She has him doing Yoga and eating all the right foods. He has her taking vitamins and they both are aglow. I remember reading love letters that my Dad wrote to my Mom when they were in service and he was in Italy. They were just beautiful. I guess women love that sort of thing and he’s good at it.

I’m happy that my father is happy because, all my life, he’s been there to make sure that I have what I need to live in peace. I know his time is coming to an end. Longevity runs in his family. One of his aunts lived to be 103. Another lived to be 106. His father’s last wife just passed away at 101. So, there’s reason to believe that, with the tender loving care that his young wife gives him, and with the way that he lives – no smoking, drinking, vulgarity, stress – there’s a chance that he’ll be around for another 15 years, which will be fine with me.

I love picking up the phone to report something wonderful that has happened to me, like recently, when I first flew a plane, which really didn’t make Dad very happy. I told him I wanted to get my pilots license. He told me to “stay cool and on the ground!”

When I was in my early forties, I got the opportunity to travel to Europe to sing. I spent eight years in eight countries singing my heart out and, of course, the music in my heart came from my Dad’s long-playing records. I would call him every Sunday from a phone booth to report the concerts I had just done or was about to do. He was always very encouraging. He never intimated that I should stop singing and come home to attend to him. He’s strong. He’s independent. He’s kind and very loving and I am one of the luckiest women in the world to have a Dad like him and I make sure I tell him so, at every opportunity.

One last note, on May 7, 2003, we celebrated my Dad’s 83rd birthday. It was Dad, his wife, and me. It was a lovely afternoon and we had lunch. At 4:30 p.m., they left. At 5:15 p.m., my phone rang. It was my daughter. She was crying. She could hardly tell me that her husband of nine years had just been in a car accident. He passed away 45 minutes later. He was 37. The tragedy was that my daughter, who was alienated from her own father, had married a man who took loving care of the three children fathered by three separate men. The middle child, a boy, lived with his father, but the older boy and younger girl didn’t know their fathers. So, her husband was a very, very special man. He loved her and her children as if they were his own. The little girl was his. She was only two when the couple married. She was 11 when he passed and she was a REAL Daddy’s girl. His loss was devastating to us all.

I am one of the lucky ones and I try to extend extra love to women and men who are not so lucky. This is what my parents taught me and my brother to do. My brother has a non-profit organization, The Children’s Coalition, Inc., that is devoted to helping at-risk children find their artistry in photography, videography and computer technology. I am ever grateful for the angels who brought us to Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright.

So, every year, since then, I’ve had two men on my mind on May 7th – my Dad and my son-in-law, who treated me like Queen-Mother! Men are wonderful beings. Their upbringing makes them who they are and the way they treat their children makes us who we are.

Patience

jcaura-redartToday, I told my daughter that she and her brother and their children should give me some Patience for Mother’s Day. Perhaps, they could put it in a box or a bottle so I can keep it around to sprinkle on my shoulders when I need it.  We laughed.  But it is not funny because all my life I have had difficulties with patience with situations and people. In email, I received this from http://www.visionalignmentproject.com

*   *   *   *   *

The Vision Alignment Project

A Vision for Patience

We envision ourselves living in a world where the speediness of life has gone away; where the pushiness on the part of those who are in a hurry has vanished and been replaced by a calm, caring for their fellow travelers; and where we, the people, have learned to wait for the fruits of life to ripen, the wines of good character to age, the metals of impeccable will to be forged, the souls within us to rise, and the Earth to ascend in perfect, divine timing.

For it is with patience that all things mature, including Mother Earth Herself. And we, as having become responsible stewards for Her, find ourselves waiting in wondrous anticipation for Her to finish Her present cycle of growth so that we can take our next step, together, as One.

Of course, I align with this. But will it make me more patient with myself, others, and situations I am waiting to manifest?

Having completed my 6-year journey to my Doctorate in Business Administration Marketing, I have been submitting employment applications. An interview, last week, opened possibilities for me to earn a six-figure income. The waiting is painful, though. I love what the message above says about waiting “for the fruits of life to ripen, the wines of good character to age, the metals of impeccable will to be forged, the souls within us to rise, and the Earth to ascend in perfect, divine timing.”

Divine timing sounds simple.  Yet, my mind anxiously awaits a response from the interviewer.  I am eager to learn if I am the frontrunner in this job game.  Another opportunity that I applied for would take me two hours away from where I presently reside, which is only 15 minutes from my father who turns 98 on May 7.  If I am the chosen one for this position as Director of Marketing for a college, would I be willing to travel that far away from my elderly father?

Even more intriguing is an application that I put in this morning to work at a philanthropic organization in North Carolina.  Am I willing to relocate to make six-figures there?

The ultimate question is “Do I want a job?”  Since I have not had a formal job since 1996, because I own a for-profit corporation and operate a non-profit organization neither of which pays my bills, I am certain that six-figures will be very attractive at this stage of the game.  After all, isn’t that why I pursued a doctorate?

Meanwhile, I must admit that I had the patience to get a “B” in Statistics, a course that tested my patience to the nth degree.  I had the patience to accumulate data from 20 study participants, through interviews, transcription, and data analysis and reporting. So, I suppose I can say that I do have a small amount of patience.  But the waiting to hear from interviewers is still painful.

Consequently, I sit here blogging my pain and anxiety, trusting that the answer will arrive just when I need it and it will be positive and in divine order!

Dr. Diva JC

Transformation

jcaura-redart Change is the fluidity of life. Transformation is at the core of our existence. We might fight it, avoid it, ignore it, or be unconscious of it. But our transformation is always happening even if we cannot see it. Molecules are ever-moving. When we don’t fight it, welcome it, embrace it, and consciously engage in transformation, we can soar to unexpected heights of existence.

The purpose of the brain is to receive impulses from the Universal Mind. The nature of the Universe is abundance. Imagine summoning to your brain and life experience all that you need, all good experiences, all protection, joy, happiness, and satisfaction.

Be the keeper of your storehouse. Mjcaura-redfrescootivate yourself to succeed in every endeavor. See your accomplishments and the fulfillments of your goal. Recognize that the Universe gives you everything you need and desire.

Your conscious call to the Universe to lift you up where you belong is always being answered. You must be listening and observing how things are changing in your favor.  Nothing happens without thought. Be in control of yours. Manipulate them to create all the desires of your heart. ~ Dr. Diva JC

Affirmations

Hear archived episodes of “Talk with Mamayah” here
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLT-lpETn3wcpnQS3QhfsJ1MEyF94Vht8N

14Talking your call - affirmations

http://www.fyicomminc.com/spirit/affirmations.htm

Victory’s Affirmation: I AM calling on

  • Cosmic Love
  • Cosmic Victory
  • Cosmic Forgiveness
  • Cosmic Joy

 

Ho’oponopono Affirmation

ENTER

  • I love you
  • I’m Sorry
  • Please Forgive Me
  • Thank You

 

 

A Vision for Cooperation

We picture a world where we have completely revamped the entire structure of our culture so that competition (except in sporting events) is a thing of the past; where no man, woman, or child is pitted against another in order to gather unto themselves the basic needs of life; and where – since there is such abundance and such an equitable system of distribution for our goods and services – all people everywhere are simply being given everything they need to survive, sustain and enjoy their lives to the fullest.

It is in this environment of non-competition and non-capitalism that we have learned to cooperate with one another, to help one another, and to support one another in fulfilling the dreams and desires each of us carried with us when we came to this beautiful, abundant Earth.

http://www.visionalignmentproject.com

1jcvoiceI AM, THAT I AM
I AM GOD IN ACTION
I AM HEALTHY AND WHOLESOME
I AM RICH BEYOND ALL MY NEEDS
I AM GOD CONSCIOUS
I AM THE COSMIC CHRIST
I AM THE KNOWER

1jc-lettinggo

1jc thanks

1jcvoice21mamayahspeakstruth

jcsmiling2

Slide2

“I relax and cast aside all mental burdens, allowing God to express through me His perfect love, peace, and wisdom.” ~  Paramahansa Yogananda

http://www.yogananda-srf.org/affirmations.aspx#.V4bQ27grLIU

How to Practice Affirmations

  1. Choose an affirmation for your particular need.
  2. Sit with spine erect.
  3. Close your eyes and gently focus your gaze and concentrate at the point between the eyebrows.
  4. Then, Paramahansaji said, “take a deep breath and exhale it, three times. Relax the body and keep it motionless….
  5. Cast away anxiety, distrust, and worry….
  6. Repeat all of the affirmation, first loudly, then softly and more slowly, until your voice becomes a whisper.
  7. Then gradually affirm it mentally only, without moving the tongue or the lips, until you feel that you have attained deep, unbroken concentration — not unconsciousness, but a profound continuity of uninterrupted thought.
  8. If you continue with your mental affirmation, and go still deeper, you will feel a sense of increasing joy and peace.”

http://www.yogananda-srf.org/affirmation_instructions.aspx#.V4bQlbgrLIU

Hear archived episodes of “Talk with Mamayah” here https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC732feJ3dEe1NciocL5_8AA

http://www.divineconnectionchurch.wordpress.com

 

Raising Your Vibration

13Talk on raising vibration

Mama turns all negative activity around. Mama, we, the daughters of Earth, the Sweet Crone Trinity has been inspired in the spirit of compassion for the well-being of our ancient cosmic family to understand why you connected this trio to demonstrate the magic of your power to awaken and protect our universal ancient family.

Empower our ability with the authority of our common purpose. We are one in the best interests of our global family in your essence as ancient of ancients. Mama, please allow this trinity to naturally raise upright our fallen sisters to elevate them to their true celestial level in mind and spiritual substance. ~ The Sweet Crone Trinity – Mamayah El, SiStar Myrah, and Celah Eliana Bey.

8 ways to raise your vibration.

  1. Become conscious of your thoughts. Everything you think, say or feel becomes your reality
  2. Find something beautiful and appreciate it
  3. Be conscious of the foods you eat
  4. Drink water
  5. Meditate
  6. Be grateful
  7. Practice acts of kindness
  8. Get your blood pumping

http://www.theholisticingredient.com/blogs/wholesome-living/13587702-8-ways-to-raise-your-vibration-your-positive-energy

Reading:        Saint Germain Press

Volume 4: Ascended Master Instructions, pp. 144-148

  • The Way to Freedom
  • For keeping awake
  • For going to sleep
  • Command as Christ

Volume 9: The I AM Discourses, pp. 178-182

  • On wealth
  • The Presence of Life is the Vibratory Action of Life in your body
  • Power of Qualification in the words that you use
  • I AM Decrees to call forth Perfection of Life

Violet Flame

SWEEP THE VIOLET FLAME THROUGH US!

Beloved Mighty I AM Presence,

SWEEP the Violet Flame through us (3)

Almighty I AM.

SWEEP the Violet Flame through us (3)

Give Thy Command.

SWEEP the Violet Flame through us (3)

Increase It each hour.

SWEEP the Violet Flame through us (3)

Love, Wisdom, and Power.

USE THE VIOLET FLAME TO TURN UP YOUR VIBRATION

1violetflame

Finding My Way

http://www.divineconnectionchurch.wordpress.com

http://www.fyicomminc.com/spirit/spirit.htm

I love you!

have I told you I love you - famous letter - momayah el From GaiaMind Poems

By

Joan Cartwright

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