Today, in response to a blog on The Loneliness of the Spinster, I posted the following:
In defense of antiquated terms, I wrote this blog in April 2016: https://divineconnectionchurch.wordpress.com/2014/04
I am a soon-to-be 69-year-old mother of two, grandmother of five, and great grandmother of three, who is just completing a doctorate in business administration/marketing with the plan of being a professor for the duration of my life, after having toured 19 countries as a jazz vocalist. In addition, I am divorced four times over. My motto was and still is “You cheat. You hit. I’m gone.”
Moreover, I am a woman of color surrounded by a community of people of color who would be destitute if it were not for their good government job, which may come to a screeching halt in light of the plans of the President-elect. I have lived in singular bliss since 2000, and loneliness has only reared its evil head on a very few occasions. I cherish silence and solitude which afford me time to hear myself think.
Hannah, I do believe that people in loveless relationships are far lonelier than I have been in my singular state. Of course, I get to talk to my children regularly. However, they reside in other states and seeing them is not a regular occurrence. All of that being revealed, I am a crone, a mid-life spinster-of-sorts who has fashioned my future through education. As I told one of my Speech Communications students just last week, “Always give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Never let what others think you should do with your life prevail over your own wishes for you.”
Marriage and parenthood are overrated, in my opinion, especially bad marriages that subsist for the benefit of children who will leave the nest and generally leave mother to care for a dominant father. That is not the scenario for all marriages. However, it is a very lonely scenario. My advice to young women who have not fallen into the love-and-marriage cipher is to live the best life that you can for YOU! Period.
Your destiny is written by your higher self. Your soul records every single wish and desire and, if living single is your choice, no one should be able to dictate anything different to you. Regarding the glass ceiling for single, queer women (including those of color), the option of forming your own company to provide a product or service is always there, whether you continue to teach or not.
Think about forming a non-profit corporation to support women in their careers based upon the complaints you lay out in your essay. You may find a new path to tread that can bring light to hundreds, if not thousands of women around the world!
Hear my take on Writing Your Life at this site: http://fyicomminc.com/books/jc-books.htm#Write
Professor Joan Cartwright